Question Tuesday: Retail Hell
Seasonal Questions of the Week:
Why can’t I go to Boots without wanting to rip my own face off?
Is my face classic beige or soft beige? (and will it matter after I’ve ripped it off?)
So, on Sunday I decided to skip happily down to the tube station, take the short journey to Stratford mall, pop into Boots to purchase some concealer, thoroughly conceal my face and then maybe even buy myself some kind of congratulatory cookie.
However, to my absolute horror, as soon as I stepped off the tube in Stratford I was swept up by a crazy deluge of Christmas shoppers, and could barely even make it in to Boots. A mere half an hour later, I’ve somehow lost my Advantage Card, been elbowed quite extensively in the face and neck, I’m too hot, I can barely move, I can’t remember my own name, I hate Christmas and I don’t have any concealer.
I actually made it over to the makeup section, eventually, trailing my scarf, my coat, and the remains of my sanity, and found that I had three choices for concealer; Ivory, Classic Beige and Soft Beige.
Whose face is beige?
I was never a big fan of working at Christmas, but let’s spare a thought for the people who risk being trampled to death every single day of December while they restock the-sequinned-things in Primark.
I would much rather take advantage of the Black Friday deals on the internet, from my bed, but at least I got to witness the glorious sight of a man wading into The Body Shop, reaching over the heads of the clamouring mass, grabbing five gift boxes at random, and declaring Christmas ‘sorted’.
If only it were that easy. Meanwhile, I have been googling ‘will spray paint set off the fire alarm?’ because that’s just the kind of December I’m having. (A brilliant one.)