I JUST WANT TO CHECK MY EMAILS: Question Tuesday
Question of the week: Why can’t I check my emails without worrying that internet pornography is affecting my marriage?
Or which illnesses will get me a better pension, or nine things I need to know about the new Xbox One (even though I didn’t even know there was a new Xbox). In between ‘Man planning to sell testicle’ and ‘Jen Aniston debuts new ear piercing’ (A fifty-six second video on that one), my email home page is completely ridiculous.
I can’t even quickly log on to read an email from my Dad without getting sucked into the story of Sharon Osbourne’s latest scandalous TV appearance, and before I know it I have watched five videos about Sharon and then drastically segued into a section called ‘Parentdish’ where scaremongering journalists raise fear and loathing among parents everywhere, with headlines such as ‘Is your child a bully?’, ‘Are we raising a generation of screen addicts?’, ‘are you suffocating your child with love?’ or, my personal favourite, ‘Teenagers up and down the country are injecting pritt-stick into their eyeballs!’ (this is usually followed by an article which insists ‘they are all doing it’, to which I usually feel the need to insist that they all are certainly not.) Anyway, I’ve now looked through a gallery of ‘bad children’s art’*, followed a slideshow of Jennifer Aniston’s ‘style revolution’ all the way through to the bitter end, and been horrified by a video entitled; ‘Man buried alive found by cemetery visitor’. I can’t even see the e-mail button amongst all the news and adverts and then when I do I am so depressed about the the man who (successfully) sued his wife for having an ugly baby that I don’t even want to check my emails.
Question Number Two: How did we ever live without makeup?
I’ve been doing a little photojournalism piece entitled WHAT IS MY FACE!?
Before/After … #whatismyface
Shout out to the ancient egyptians for first coming up with the idea of crushing up beetles and smearing them all over their wrinkled hungover little faces.
Queen Nefertiti, rocking winged eyeliner since before it was cool. #personalhero
*I assume they meant unskilled art, rather than art done by children with attitude problems, but it really was hard to tell.